How To Beat The Heat In Pakistan

As I have made very clear in my earlier posts, it is freaking hot here, guys. So so so hot. Okay, maybe nothing unusual for Pakistan, but I'm not used to it quite yet, so, therefore, it is highly unusual for me. Going from 60 degree weather to 112 degree weather doesn't sit well with... well, my whole body. As I still have a tiny bit less than a week here, I have decided that I must (MUST MUST MUST) come up with little strategies to keep me from boiling alive from this inhumane torture (exaggerate much?). Here are a few idears I have been brilliant enough (in my mind) to come up with:

1. Take "cold" showers. I've tried this one. The "cold" part is in quotations because the water isn't really cold. I'm not saying it's hot, but I'm definitely saying it is not cold. BUT, there is a solution! Grandma has this fan attached to the wall in the bathroom. If I turn on the fan and then hop in the "cold", aka "somewhere between cold and hot", shower the water really does feel cold. Notice the difference? COLD not "cold." Yes! Sophia: 1 Heat: 0. Unfortunately, though, as soon as I finish the shower and clothe myself, I have a light sheen of perspiration (that smells of roses, of cooooourse) covering every inch of me. Damn. Sophia 1: Heat: 1. Ugh.

2. Drink lots of water. This might not completely cool down the whole body, but it cools down the mouth, throat, and the stomach (I think. Can't really feel how hot the stomach is, but we'll pretend that water cools the stomach just 'cause). Now, the drinking water IS cold, especially if it's been in the fridge. Score 1 for Sophia! Bad side of it is that you have to pee a lot, but who wouldn't want to sit on the toilet when that fan high on the wall is blowing directly at you AND you have a hose? Score, again! Sophia: 3 Heat: 1... for now.

3. Sit under the ceiling fans. Lucky for us humans, there are ceilings fans in every room, minus the kitchen, but I don't visit there too often unless I feel like bothering Baji and Grandma... Anyways, yes, sitting under the ceiling fans are always an effective solution to beating the heat. Even though ceiling fans are quite nice, they still don't cool me down enough. Fail on my part. I find myself still shining with that beautifully smelling rose perspiration even while under the fan. Sophia: 3 Heat: 2.

4. When there's a breeze, holler. Today, while the electricity was out from 10-11 am, we saw that the trees outside were practically kneeling on the hard, dry earth. Sweet, right? (Keep reading). Grandma got up really quickly and said "Come on." I followed her out onto the patio where we sat and watched the dust blow all over and the trees give their kind regards to Mother Nature. Aww. No. The "breeze" is not a breeze, people. It's a hot wind. It's like a friend of yours blowing your face with their hot, icky breath. It does not cool down, it does not do wonders, and it definitely does not feel that good. I must admit, though, that for the first five seconds of being outside the "breeze" blew onto my face and cooled the sweat, ahem I meant rose-smelling-perspiration, on my forehead so that it was nice and "cool." That was the only good thing.. Like I said, a friend's hot breath is not very awesome. Sophia: 3 Heat: 3. Shoot.

5. A cold washcloth. I'm pretty sure everyone has tried this trick before. Put a washcloth of some sort under some cold water and slap it on the back of your neck, right? Yes. That's what I'm talking about. No, it doesn't exactly work here. No, I haven't tried it, but I know that it won't work. You want me to try it? That's too damn bad, because I am stubborn and I KNOW that it won't work. Wanna know why it won't work? Okay, listen. Like I said earlier under the "cold shower" one, the water here isn't exactly what you'd call cold. It's mediocre cold, not cold, but not hot. It still feels nice, but not nice enough to call cold. So, if I did wet a washcloth of sorts with water and slapped it on the back of my neck, I'm sure it would feel nice, buttttt with the heat and the constant twirl of the ceiling fan, the washcloth would probably dry out in point five seconds. Not really worth my time, ya know? Not that time is a big deal, cause I've plenty of it, but still. Soooo, Sophia: 3 Heat: 4.

Guys, I'm sorry to say this but, that is all my brilliant mind (in my eSye) has come up with to beat the heat. I know, I know, you're thinking "Five things? Really? Just five? Slacker." Fine, fine, call me a slacker if you must, but I have been thinking about this post for the last couple days and, yes, this is all I've come up with. Sorry! BUT, if you all have ANY ideas, any ideas whatsoever, holler at a sister, kay? Excellent. Now, I'm gonna go "enjoy" the heat while literally sweating my butt off. Thanks.